Relationship before Task
A self assessment and three simple tools for fostering connection
“Relationship before task.”
It’s one of those ideas everyone nods at—“Yes, of course!”—and then quickly moves past. Simple to agree with. Hard to live by.
Deadlines, deliverables, and to-do lists pull hard. We spend time where we feel most competent—strategy, analysis, project management. Relationship-building? That can feel intangible, unstructured, or secondary.
But here’s the truth: relationships are not the soft stuff; they’re the enabling stuff.
They’re what make complex work, bold risk-taking, innovation, and problem-solving possible. Relationships are the how of mission-driven work. This isn’t solo sport—it’s the carpool lane.
Two questions to self-assess:
Do people bring you the hard stuff—proactively?
When relationships are strong, teammates feel safe enough to bring you bad news: “The results weren’t what we hoped.” “The partner’s backing out.” “We’re behind.” That trust is gold. If you’re not hearing those things early, you might not be as connected as you think. This meditation might help you uncover why.
What’s the soundtrack of your meetings?
Do you hear a lot of “I know you’re busy, but…”? Do you often start with, “We’ve got a lot to do, so let’s dive in”? Efficiency is great—but when the soundtrack is all task, the relational oxygen gets thin. Look back over the past couple of weeks: have you over-indexed on getting things done at the expense of staying connected?
Three tools for leading with relationship
Calendar relationship time.
Yes—literally schedule it. “People people” aren’t magically immune to the squeeze of busy calendars. Protect 15–30 minutes daily to walk around the office, check in, or make a “just thinking of you” call. Relationship time is work time.
Ask questions that bridge relationship and task.
“How was everyone’s weekend?” has its place—but it can separate relationship time from real work time. Instead, weave connection into the work itself. Try:
“Who has an idea we haven’t heard yet?”
“What’s a past lesson learned that could help us here?”
“Who might we need to bring into this conversation?”
These questions build trust while advancing the task.
Wins and Worries.
Make a habit of inviting teammates to share one win and one worry. Wins let you pause and celebrate; worries open space for empathy and collaborative problem-solving. It’s a simple rhythm that deepens connection and resilience.
Make it a team habit
As you recommit to “relationship before task,” make it a shared project. Ask teammates what habits you can build together to nurture connection while pursuing results.
Talk about it openly. Try things. Notice what works.
Because relationship before task isn’t a solo practice—it’s a collective muscle.