Four Steps for Getting From Me to WE
Revisiting the WE Loop as a guide to developing, nurturing, and sustaining relationships in mission-drive work.
We started this Substack to help professionals in mission-driven work get to WE, so to speak. From time to time, we want to revisit the relational framework outlined from the start, also known as the WE Loop, to help readers organize the information, concepts, strategies, and tools offered here.
The WE Loop is an organizational framework, diagnostic tool, and a prescription. Based on our experience, a WE relationship consists of four parts and once you discover which part needs the work, therein you will find the remedy to address it.
The Context
WE does not stand alone. As a reminder, we posit that there are three potential dimensions to relationships in mission-driven work, and we borrow a little from the work of Simon Sinek here:
The WHAT. This is the topic or area of focus (environment, pre-K, prison reform, etc.).
The WHY. This moves beyond the topic to your purpose. This is the change you seek to achieve in the world.
The WE. This is the relationship you work inside and through to achieve change. This is how you make a difference TOGETHER. WE partnerships encompass formal or traditional roles (funder/grantee) AND invite us to examine and intentionally build out a relationship as co-creators and collaborators. Participants build connection through a co-creator mindset, aligned agreement, and reinforcing behaviors, regardless of traditional roles and hierarchies. Space opens for seeing and addressing problems in new ways and taking time and care to repair breaches if they occur.
At The Practice of WE, our experience tells us that transformational change only happens when mission-driven partners spend as much time attending to the WE (how they work in relationship) as they do in defining their WHAT and their WHY.
The Four Parts of a WE Relationship
The WE relationship has four parts or steps:
A mindset conducive to productive partnerships. It is hard to be in a productive partnership if your partner does not think you are worthy of respect, believes they need to control you and others, works from a “savior” mentality, or thinks they have all the answers. There is plenty of research showing that our beliefs and expectations influence our behavior and the feedback we receive from others. Revisit Carol S. Dweck’s book, Mindset- The New Psychology of Success, if you would like a refresher. Remarkably, we are starting to see this feedback loop happen even in human interactions with artificial intelligence or LLMs (large language models). A mindset of trust, empathy, co-creation, and collaboration will set you up for productive relationships in mission-driven work. Bottom line - the mindset you bring into the partnership matters before you say or do anything.
Alignment of goals, values, and expectations for the partnership. Alignment requires sharpening communication skills to unearth assumptions about what success of the project looks like and reach agreement around expectations on the scope, timing, and conditions for exit.
Behaviors that signal trust and respect. Without demonstrating trust and respect, the alignment and mindset will be of little use to the partnership. In fact, you can be “right” on every other element of the project, ie, the timing, financial support, and a great idea, but if trust and respect are missing as you execute, the impact will be more limited and less likely to be sustained.
Commitment to repeating the Loop and doing repair when needed. Relationship building is not “one and done.” The WE Loop needs regular attention and both parties should expect that things will go wrong. When they do, both parties must be committed to repairing the relationship. This framework helps you identify where the repair is needed and gives you direction for the fix.
Applying the WE Loop
Think about your partnerships with these four parts in mind. What feels missing or off balance? Below are some typical problem scenarios we have come across in philanthropy. Each of them maps onto at least one part of the framework:
Tension between aspirations for “trust-based” philanthropy and actions on the ground.
Mindset: Not everyone believes that “trust-based” means “just write the check”. And “just write the check” does not invite co-creation and collaboration.
Alignment: Lack of communication about beliefs of what trust looks like and the role of accountability and expectations for the success.
Misunderstanding of the program officer role.
Alignment: Lack of communication about the approval process and the program officers’ authority. Lack of communication about the role of a foundation’s or donor’s governing board.
Resentment when a grant is declined.
Mindset: Believing that “partner” means never having to say “no.” Believing that there is no partnership, only a transaction.
Alignment: Lack of clarity on the approval process. Lack of clarity about goals and what you are seeking to address.
Behavior: Poor delivery of “No”, e.g., slow or no response or lack of clarity in the reasons for “No.”
These are just three general scenarios where the WE Loop gives a bit of direction on what went wrong and how to address it. The next time you’re struggling in partnership, try the WE Loop to help unpack what’s off track and what might help fix the problem.